Thursday, June 30, 2011

Summer Project - Two Finished

Hi everyone!

Yesterday, I finished translating episode 2 of Elite Yankee Saburou. It's getting crazier and sillier all the time, and it's a lot of fun to translate. Things went a lot smoother than the first episode, I get the feeling that I'm getting the hang of things now. Or the second episode was just easier to follow than the first...

In any case, two episodes are finished, nine remain. If I can follow the time plan I have, I should be done with them all around the middle of August. At that time, I plan on uploading my subtitles to a file hosting site, probably Mediafire. As for the episodes themselves, I'm not sure I can upload them anywhere as they are copyrighted material, but I'm sure people who want to watch them can find them somewhere.

Well, that's all for now. Until next time, have a good day!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Dream Journal - Half Awake

Hi everyone! I (finally) had another lucid dream last night! It was kinda weird, though. Here goes:

I am in a dark room, location unknown. There are other people in the room, and they appear to be of the dangerous sort. They threaten me, probably to get my money or something, but I resist. I get an odd feeling and tell them: "I don't care what you do! This is just a dream, after all!" And I was right on the money. After a reality check I am certain that I am dreaming. When I look down at myself, I see that I have turned into a woman, and for some reason, I am naked. It doesn't bother me much, since it's a dream.

What bothers me is that while I am standing in that room, in a woman's form, I can at the same time feel the touch of the sheets in my bed. I also get occasional flashes of my bedroom. It's like I'm half dreaming, half awake, and I'm worried that I might lose the dream. Ultimately, I wake up. And here's the real kicker.

I was not half awake. In fact, I was one and a half times asleep, if that makes any sense. See, the flashes of the bedroom and the feel of sheets were actually also a dream. I noticed this when I woke up. In those quick flashes I was lying on the opposite side of the bed, and the lighting was completely different. So I basically had a dream in which I dreamed that I was almost waking up. And I was aware of that dream. But not of the other. Yeah, my head started to hurt at this point so I just let it go. At least I had an LD after a bit of a dry spell so I'm happy.

Well, that's one of my dreams last night. I had another one, but that one was a little to hot for this blog. Sorry!
Until next time, have a good day!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - Nightmares

Hi everyone!

Last time, I talked about false awakenings. Today, I'm going to talk about a slightly more unpleasant subject for most of us: Nightmares.

I'm sure all of you have had a few nightmares in your days. They can be different for different people, but what they all have in common is that they make us feel scared, uncomfortable, disgusted and generally just be an unpleasant experience. Common themes in nightmares include not being able to move properly while being chased by something, or being in an extremely socially awkward situation. When I was a child, I had quite a few nightmares, one of which was a recurring dream. In that dream, I was inside a cave together with a group of gnomes. All of a sudden, the cave collapsed on top of me and I was trapped in the dark, unable to move. At this point, I would wake up, frightened. Over the years, though, my nightmares got fewer and fewer, and now I rarely ever have them any more.

As horrible as nightmares can be, they can be a prime trigger for a lucid dream. Due to their nature, they can very easily be identified as dreams when you recall them. Because of this, it should be fairly easy to recognise a nightmare for what it is, a dream, and become lucid. This should hold especially true for recurring nightmares, since you might start to recognise them quickly.

Once lucid, you are the true master of your dream world, and have the ability to defeat your nightmare and conquer whatever fear that triggered it. If you are being chased by something, turn around and face it. Confront your pursuer. Sometimes, this alone is enough for the fear to dissipate completely. Ask your pursuer what he is doing in your dream. Knowing that you are in control, that you have the power to defeat anything in your own dream, it will listen to you.

When your nightmare has been conquered, demand that it give you a gift. This will change the negative emotions into positive emotions, and completely dispel the nightmare. If it was a recurring nightmare, it should be gone for good. The "gift" you will receive can be anything, but it will always be something good.

After all that, you might as well enjoy the rest of your LD by doing something fun. Congratulations on defeating your nightmare!

Well, I hope this can be of help to you. Until next time, sweet dreams!

Monday, June 27, 2011

One Month and Counting

Hi everyone!

Today it is one month since I started this blog! Hurray! As an obligatory celebratory picture, here's a little drawing a friend and I did on a rainy day in Japan:

It basically started with me drawing a simple landscape with a winding road and some hills, then my friend added the mountains and the crevasse, whereupon I drew in the Colossus, just for the heck of it.
I'm having a lot of fun writing this blog and I hope you guys are having a good time reading it. I've seen in many comments that a lot of you have started having lucid dreams more often and would like to know more about them. It really makes me happy to see such interest in what I write, and rest assured that I will give you some more lucid info next time.

Until then, everyone: Thank you for reading and commenting, and have a good day!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Summer Project - One Down, Ten to go

Hi everyone! Today I thought I'd give you an update on my summer translation project.

I finished writing the translated script for the first episode of Elite Yankee Saburou yesterday. Let me just for the record say that this show is nuts, it's completely unserious (Shut up spell check, unserious is a word) and actually very silly. Is it worth watching? I'd say it depends on your mood. If you're in the mood for some mindless, silly fun, (And occasional random nudity) then sure. If you're learning Japanese and want some practise, even better! Just don't go in expecting a deep, moving story that touches on the very essence of human nature. Then again, with a title like "Elite Yankee Saburou" I don't think anyone would have such expectations.

As for the actual translation, I gotta say, it's a lot of fun, but difficult. It's very interesting how you can understand a language quite well, but can't really translate it well into another language. You really have to work hard to find a suitable way to express the same meaning while still retaining the tone and nuance of the original language. I used to scoff at most fansubs for leaving certain words untranslated or missing the point of a sentence entirely, but now that I've given it a try myself, I gotta admit, it's not all that easy. But, I'm doing my best to make the translation as accurate and natural as I can.

So, one episode is done, just ten more to go! BANZAI!!!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - False Awakening

Hi everyone! Sleep well?


Last time, I talked about some ways to fly in lucid dreams. Today, I'm going to talk a bit about a common and fairly annoying phenomenon that lucid dreamers often encounter: False Awakenings. (FA for short)

A false awakening is when you dream that you have woken up. You act pretty much exactly as you normally do when waking up in the morning, and usually it feels so convincing that you don't question it at all. Then, suddenly, you wake up for real and realise it was all just a dream. This can be very frustrating. It has happened to me a number of times, usually after an LD, and it is just as annoying every time.

So how do you avoid them? Well, I would rather want to answer the question: "How do you take advantage of them?" In a few of the FA's I have had, something was a little bit off. In on of them, a friend of mine was in the room with me when I woke up, and the bedside lamp would not turn on when I flipped the light switch. (A common occurrence in dreams, by the way.) Feeling that something was off, but not really questioning it, I just went with it until I woke up. Now, had I done a reality check right then and there, I would have realised I was still dreaming and could have enjoyed some more lucid adventures.

I can't really tell you how to avoid FA's, but I can give you this advice: Always do a reality check right when you wake up. Once you are really sure whether or not you are awake, you can go on with whatever it is you usually do in the morning. (Or dream some more, depending on what the outcome of the RC was, of course.)
If you always do an RC in the morning, your chances of taking advantage of any false awakenings you might have and turn them into lucid dreams greatly increases.

I hope this has been helpful to you. Until next time, sweet dreams!

Friday, June 24, 2011

The Agony of Choice - Part 2

Hi everyone! I'm back with more ranting about Persona 4.

Last time, I talked about how a big choice came up in the plot, and how making the wrong decision led to the bad ending of the game. Last night, I reloaded my last save before the choice, played up until that point in the game, and made a different choice.

And got the bad ending again.

"Well screw this!" I thought, turning off my PS2 and getting on the internet. "I'm going to find out what damn choice was the right one to make!" And I did. And boy, was I ever pissed off!

So, at first you have three different dialogue options to choose from. After that, depending on what you take, you make a second choice. To be able to continue with the game, you first have to pick the correct option out of three. Then, you have to choose the correct option out of four new ones. I'm no probability expert, but even I can tell that the chances of making the right choice from the beginning are pretty darn low. Especially given how ambiguous the correct line of choices is.

As I said in my last post, I still love this game for what it is, but by Melchizedek, that was a poorly designed choice.

Well, now I know what to do to be able to finish this game for real, so I'm just going to do that and pretend none of this ever happened. Sorry for taking two posts to rant about something so trivial, but I just couldn't get it out of my mind. But now that I have, so to speak, exorcized this particular demon, I feel at peace once again.

Until next time, everyone, have a good day!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Agony of Choice

Hi everyone! Rant imminent!

Last night, I was playing Persona 4 and got to a point in the game where you had to make a choice of how to respond to a certain serious situation (Trying to avoid spoilers here). The choices were markedly different, and put your morals to the test. I made my choice, hoping that it wasn't all that important... when the game ended. Yep, that was it. I got the "Bad Ending", or something to that effect. And I was pissed off!

Now, I would like to make it very clear that I freaking love Persona 4. I think it's a wonderfully great game that anyone with a PS2 should try at least once. That said, the way the choice that came up last night was handled was very poor. Until this point in the game, all dialogue options and choices of action had not had such a great effect on the storyline, but now all of a sudden you have to choose something that will determine if you get to keep playing or not. They give you absolutely no heads-up about this, which I find quite annoying. And to top it all off, you had to sit through quite a long scene before the choice came up, meaning I have to do all that over again to make a different choice (No way am I accepting that ending). Sure, it was a very dramatic and emotional scene, but that doesn't make things much better. In fact, why couldn't the game just have let me save before making the choice?

There was a choice like this in Persona 3 as well (Which by the way is another game anyone with a PS2 simply has to play), but that one was handled much better. The scene beforehand clearly explained that something big was coming, and you were mentally prepared to make a tough decision. Granted, the were only two options to choose from in Persona 3, as opposed to three options in Persona 4, but you still got a chance to save right before the choice had to be made. If only you had gotten the same chance in Persona 4, I would have been satisfied, even if they didn't warn you that the choice was coming.

I guess the reason I felt so upset about this is because I feel like I failed. But unlike a regular failure, which would have resulted in a "Game Over" and having to try again, this failure can't be erased (Well, it's not supposed to be anyway). It was irreversible within the game's continuity, and that... really got under my skin. In real life, there's no way for us to undo the choices we've made, no turning back time to take another path. I guess the game succeeded in conveying that feeling exceptionally well, but I'm still kinda grumpy about it. It feels like I'm being punished for making a wrong choice, when the choice didn't really have a right or wrong to begin with.

Well, this kinda stewed in my mind for some time yesterday, and I don't know if I managed to make enough sense with this post, but whatever. I'm going to try again today, and see if I can make the "right" choice so I can continue the game. After all, I can reload my last save.

So much for being irreversible now, stupid choice!

Until next time, have a good day!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - Flying 101

Hi everyone! Sleep well? You know what it's time for!

Last time, I gave you the advice to make a lucid "To Do" list. Today, I'm going to start talking about stuff you can do when already lucid. If you haven't had any lucid dreams yet, I hope this will motivate you a little. Let's get started!

One of the most common things people do in their lucid dreams is to fly. After all, it's something most people have always wanted to do, but given that we are human, it's just not possible in real life. Dreams, however, are a whole different game, and flying is not only possible, but it is actually fairly easy. Not to mention, it is awesome!

To begin with, you need to get up into the air. Depending on where you are in the dream, this may already be the case. In one LD I had, for example, I was standing in a room on the second floor, and only had to jump out the window to get airborne. The thought of flying through the air may be off-putting for some, especially if you have a fear of heights. This is where your power of will comes into play. As is the case with all endeavours in dreams, your will to do something, and more importantly your conviction that you will do it, determine if you can do it or not. If you believe you can fly, you can. (No R.Kelly reference intended.)

With your intention firm in your mind, it's time to take off. There are a number of ways to do this. If you, like I was, are already in a high place, just jump out into the air and soar! You might fall at first, (I know I did.) but don't be afraid. You can do it! If you're on the ground, then look up to the sky and focus... then leap into the air and fly! This has worked for me, to quite amazing levels. I actually jumped high enough to enter a cloud the first time I tried. You could also try to use tools to help you. Why not create a launch pad or a catapult or something to help send you flying? Use your imagination and find a way that you like.

Once you're in the air, things should be pretty simple. If you have trouble getting anywhere, try some different techniques. I like to adopt a cool pose while flying, (If you've ever watched Dragonball Z you kinda get the idea.) and fly at fairly high speeds, doing some rolls and loops if I want to. You can also try flapping your arms, although from what I hear it can be slightly slower. Still, anything that works is good. You can also use tools while in the air. If you have trouble flying on your own, a jet pack or a pair of mechanical wings might do the trick. Or you could just turn into a bird and bridge the species gap directly! Anything goes, dear reader, anything goes.

In the end, it's all about conviction and will, like all other dream-related things. If you are convinced that you can fly, you can do it. I'm sure if you have had a few LD's already, you probably figured out a way to fly on your own. To those who still haven't gotten up in the air yet, maybe these tips can be of help to you.

I wish you happy flying! Until next time, sweet dreams!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Summer Project

Hi everyone!

Today I'm going to start off my summer project! It's basically just something to do to keep myself busy, and I think it will be a lot of fun. So what is it that I am going to do?

I'm going to make subtitles for a Japanese TV drama. The show is called "Elite Yankee Saburou" and is about a guy who just started high school. He is the youngest of three brothers, and his elder brothers rule the school with an iron hand, striking fear into the other students. But our main character is not like that. All he wants is a nice, peaceful, normal school life. But given the way things work in this particular school, it doesn't look like he will get it.

Like many J-dramas, Elite Yankee Saburou features mediocre to decent acting, completely insane characters and cheesy but hilarious special effects. (Only in the first episode a guy takes an uppercut to the chin that slams him into the ceiling.)

So yeah, now I'll have something to do this summer, seeing as I couldn't get a job. Better than doing nothing, I guess!

Until next time, have a good day!

Monday, June 20, 2011

The Holy Trinity of the SNES

Hi everyone! Today, I'd like to talk about a game series I like. Wow, that was an understatement. Let me rectify:

Today I would like to talk about a game series that I all but adore, and consider to be the best trilogy in gaming history.

There, that's more like it.

The trilogy I am referring to is not really a trilogy in the sense that it carries a continuous storyline throughout the three games. In fact, each game is more of a "spiritual successor" than a true "sequel." But any such labels are pointless. They are all games developed by Quintet and published by Enix, and in my opinion they make a trilogy that not so much lives up to the standards of a good series, but truly defines them. I am referring to Soul Blazer, Illusion of Time, and Terranigma. (My American readers may be a little confused at this point. To you, I will clarify that Illusion of Time was called Illusion of Gaia in America, and Terranigma was, sadly, never released in America.)

So, what makes this the best game trilogy of all time you may ask? Well, simply put, the way each game improves upon the last one. Now, Soul Blazer was a great game in its own right. It had a decent story about a world held captive by the Devil, and a lone angel soldier of God having to travel across the land, restoring the world to its former glory one place at a time. The gameplay was simple, but it felt right. It played similar to a Zelda title, but put more focus on combat than on puzzle-solving. In fact, the only real puzzles in the game can be solved by beating the stuffing out of something, most of the time. The music is also very good, with tunes ranging from charming little melodies to grand, ominous church organ pieces. On the whole, it was a very good game with a nice little gimmick consisting of the player restoring various towns and other locations little by little, like ActRaiser but with less simulation elements.

Improving upon the solid foundation set by Soul Blazer, Illusion of Time took a more traditional approach to the gameplay and story. Will, a young boy with mysterious mental abilities living in a quiet little town by the sea, is one day drawn into an adventure that will take him across the world, visiting a plethora of ancient temples and castles. With more focus on the story, Illusion of Time felt like a more coherent experience, despite some slight hiccups in the translation department. The gameplay was once more reminiscent of Zelda, but this time, the main character gains the ability to transform into different characters, adding more variety. Add to that the flute the main character has, which can cause various different effects depending on which song is played, (And yes, this game was made well before Ocarina of Time.) and you have a fun, challenging and moving adventure that improved on its predecessor in every way.

And then we have Terranigma. I'm going to say it, folks: This is the greatest game ever made. If Illusion of Time improved on its predecessor, then Terranigma did the same, and cranked it up to eleven. Everything is better, the story, the graphics, the gameplay, the music, (Oh God, the music...) even the box art is better! It tells the story of a young man called Ark, who lives in the village of Crysta. One day, he goes into the room that the village elder has explicitly forbidden anyone from entering, (You know, there is always a room like that.) and opens a mysterious box... And then all the village goes up shit creek without a paddle. Scolded by the elder and then told to go out and conquer five towers in order to resurrect the village, Ark sets out...
Again, the gameplay is reminiscent of Zelda, perhaps the most of all three games in the trilogy, but the graphics an animation make it a whole different experience. Another thing that makes this game so special is its world map. It's... the world, basically. Planet Earth, as represented on the Super Nintendo, and quite accurately so. Sure, the capital of Sweden is located in Norway and is spelled wrong, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that this game has such an amazing story, wonderful graphics, excellent gameplay and one of the most beautiful soundtracks of all time.

Now, some of you may be rolling your eyes and muttering something about "nostalgia goggles". Let me just remind you that I first played these games no more than two years ago. It's not nostalgia that is making me fawn over these games the way I do, it's purely due to the fact that they are. That. Damn. Good.
 I strongly recommend that you try them out. You may end up loving them, or you may end up thinking they're the worst pieces of excrement since E.T for the Atari 2600. Hey, it's all just opinions, after all. But in my opinion, you can't find any game series better than the Soul Blazer trilogy. And no better game than Terranigma.

Well, that's about all the fanboy ranting I can handle for today. I hope I've sparked your interest in these games, and if not, I hope you at least enjoyed the read.

Until next time, have a good day!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - What To Do

Hi everyone! Sleep well? Last time, I talked about the magical effects of the Lucid Pill. Today, I will talk about a very simple thing you can do to make the most of your lucid dreams: Making a "To Do" list.

Now, as you know, in a lucid dream you can do anything. Your imagination is the limit, and sometimes not even that. This means that you have a virtually limitless amount of things you can do, so many that it can be staggering. You might not know what you want to do the most, and end up not doing anything at all. To help resolve this little problem, the "To Do" list is of great help.

The procedure is really simple. Just take any piece of paper you have lying around, think about what it is you want to do in an LD, and write it down on the list. When you have a nice long list, pick one or two choices from it and make them your Lucid Goals for your next LD. For example, maybe you want to transform into an elephant. In that case, write "Transform into elephant" as one of your goals.

Then, when you are about to sleep, throw these goals in with your affirmations or thoughts in a MILD or WILD. This way, you will remember your goals more easily when you become lucid, and can fulfil them without hesitation. When you fulfil a Lucid Goal, make sure to reward yourself properly. This will show your subconscious that fulfilling Lucid Goals is a positive task, and will make it even easier to have LD's in the future. More practice will lead to a higher skill, which in turn lets you have more LD's and so on and so forth.

I only recently started making my "To Do" list, so the next time I have a lucid dream, I know what I'm going to do. I hope these tips will be of help to you.

Until next time, sweet dreams!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - Strictly Medicinal

Hi everyone! Sleep well? You know what it's time for!

Last time, I talked about some techniques for maintaining lucidity. This time, well, it'll be a bit more of the same. With a twist. I'm going to tell you about a special little something to help boost your lucidity. And what might that be?

Drugs.

No, not real drugs, silly! I'm talking dream drugs. The Lucid Pill, to be more specific. This little baby can improve your lucidity, ensure that you will have higher quality lucid dreams, and much more. Here's how it works.

First, you need to be lucid. Now, once you are lucid, reach into your back pocket, or into a bag, or any container. In there, you will find the Lucid Pill. If you believe in the effects of this pill, that taking it will make your LD's last longer, make you lucid easier and so on, taking it will have these effects. If it works well, the effects can even be permanent, which means you will have a lot more awesome LD's from now on.

The most important thing for this to work is your own conviction. As long as you truly believe in it, it will work. And if it does... well, things just got a whole lot easier.

So while I normally would not recommend drugs to anyone, this pill I recommend to anyone who wants easier lucidity. Just make sure not to overdose. The consequences may very well go beyond your wildest dreams... Muhahahaha!

*ahem* Anyway, until next time, sweet dreams!

Friday, June 17, 2011

100 Followers!

Well, I'll be... One hundred Followers of my blog. This calls for a celebration! So here's a picture of my feet, taken last summer. My toe is all better now!


Thank you everyone who is following and commenting on my blog! I hope I can offer lots and lots of interesting reads for you in the future!


Installing, Running, Crashing, Burning

So, maybe today I can get that godforsaken game to actually run. Chances are I won't, though, so I might spend yet another day frustrated and raging at my computer. And this time, it's not because I'm having fun.

I recently heard of a visual novel called Kana, Little Sister, which sparked my interest after reading a review on this blog. After seeing the unholy amount of praise the game had received from various other places on the internet, I decided to try it out.

And that's where the problems began. Installing the game worked fine. But running it? No cigar. Not even a cigarette butt. The screen just went black and nothing else happened.

After following a few guides on the internet and still not getting the game to run, I was at a loss. I yelled at my computer for a while (As if that would help) and then decided to give up for the day. Maybe today I'll get lucky...

All this brought to mind a lot of similar experiences, with games refusing to install, or run, no matter what I tried. Some of them I ultimately gave up on and buried my head in the sand, pretending I didn't really care. But others I persisted on getting to work, and the sweet taste of success made the games that much more enjoyable, even though some of them were pretty crappy. I guess the feeling of triumph made all the effort worth it.

So, if any of yo have the game and know a way to get it to run on Windows 7, do let me know. I appreciate any suggestions. I don't want to give up on this one yet, given all the praise I've heard for it across the web.

Well, until next time, have a good day!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - Maintaining Lucidity

Hi everyone! Sleep well? Time for some more lucidity!

Last time, I talked bout the Wake Back to Bed technique, a very effective way to enhance your chances of attaining lucidity in your dreams. Today, I'm going to talk about some techniques you can use when already lucid, in order to keep control of your dreams.

So, You have had an LD, and probably enjoyed it regardless of how short it might have been. But you would like to have longer ones, and feel that you are in complete control, and not lose lucidity halfway through. For the aspiring lucid dreamer, this can be a daunting task. You will have to actively maintain your lucidity throughout the dream, which means you can't slack off too much playing around. Sound like a hassle? Well, it doesn't have to be all that hard.

Say for example that you feel lucidity slipping away. You can't seem to do most of the things you are used to, like flying or altering your environments. Don't worry, you just need to reaffirm your lucidity. First of all, relax. Take deep, calm breaths and tell yourself that you are still dreaming. You can also do a Reality Check. Look around you, look at yourself, do an RC and take note of the impossible thing that just happened. Now you are sure that you're in a dream, and your lucidity should be higher.

Another thing you can do is to spin around your own axis. Since you're not really spinning, (This is a dream, after all) you won't get dizzy. Tell yourself that you will still be dreaming when you stop, or maybe that you are going to be at a certain location when you stop spinning.According to research, this method is the most effective way of stabilising and maintaining lucidity.

You can also rub your hands together, giving you a strong, vivid sense of friction and warmth. While rubbing, repeat to yourself that you are still dreaming. Another, more radical technique, is to take off all your clothes. No, really. It's your dream, so anything you do goes. Taking your clothes off will enhance the feeling that you are in a dream, since it is not something you would do normally in real life. (Unless you are into that stuff.) Because of this, the act of taking off your clothes strengthens your confidence, and is a good way to claim the dream, and show your subconscious that you are in charge of your dream world.

Another good way to stabilise your dream if you feel it slipping away, is to grab hold of something in the dream, and give yourself a lot of stimulation from the dream world. Look at something stable, such as your hands or the ground, and keep telling yourself that you are in a dream. Doing an RC wouldn't hurt, I suppose.

Well, these are some techniques that can be used to prolong and stabilise your lucid dreams, letting you have more awesome adventures that feel more exciting! I hope this will help you on your way.

Until next time, sweet dreams!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

It is Official!

Hi everyone! I am a bit excited right now, but I felt like I had to write about this.

So, for those of you who have been good little readers and followed my blog, for which I thank you very much, the fact that I am going to study overseas in Japan starting this year should come as no surprise. Today, however, it got set in stone, as I saw a mail from Ritsumeikan University labelled "Acceptance Notification". I got in!

So, from around the 9th of September, I will go to Japan again. Oh frabjous day! Until then I just gotta get all my preparations together, and a part-time job wouldn't be too shabby, just bolster out my funds a bit for the trip.

Well, that's really all I had to write about right now, but stay tuned tomorrow for another lucid dreaming update!











Have a good day! (Pic related: It's from Kyoto)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - Waking Back

Hi everyone! Sleep well? Time for some more lucidity!

Last time, I talked about the WILD technique, and how to best use it to achieve lucid dreams. Today, I'm going to tell you about a combination technique which can be used to improve your chances of success.

Wake Back To Bed (WBTB)
WBTB is, quite simply, the act of waking up in the middle of the night and then using another technique to induce a lucid dream when you go to sleep again. By doing this, you will be able to go to sleep with a strong intention to be lucid at a time in your sleep cycle when the REM phase is longer than the time you begin sleeping. Simple, yet very effective!

Start by setting your alarm clock a few hours earlier. Then, go to sleep normally, and of course try to remember your dreams as clearly as you can. When you wake up, go through your usual routine of reality checking and writing down any dreams you can recall. Then, get up out of bed and do something LD-related for a while, anywhere between 20 minutes up to an hour. Reading books or articles about lucid dreaming, or surfing websites about it is a great way to fill your mind up with thoughts about lucidity.

When you are sure that you are completely focused on lucid dreams and can only think about that, go back to bed and go to sleep. You should have a lucid dream quite easily this way. Use MILD or WILD, whichever you prefer, to further improve your chances.

So, in short:
1. Set your alarm clock a few hours earlier. (If you can, you could also try waking yourself up with auto-suggestion)
2. Go to sleep.
3. Wake up, recall dreams and RC.
4. Do something LD-related for a while, to fill your mind with thoughts about lucid dreaming.
5. Go back to sleep, using MILD or WILD.
6. Have a lucid dream.

Well, I hope you'll be successful. This technique is very effective, the first time I tried it, I did not have a lucid dream, but I could remember all of my dreams very clearly. (And this was when I had only just started to get into this stuff!) I'm certain that you can have many LD's using this method.

Well, until next time, everyone! Sweet Dreams!

Monday, June 13, 2011

No way did that just happen!

Well, more video game related frustration coming up. This time, not so much from trying over and over, but from losing a lot of progress in one fell swoop. I'm sure many of you can relate.

So, yesterday I was playing Persona 4, great game, and I really love it, and I had gotten to a certain point in the story where, without spoiling too much, the faeces had hit the proverbial fan. In other words: "It just got real!"
Naturally, I was quite excited about this, and just had to keep playing for a little while longer. I proceeded through the dungeon, higher and higher. The enemies in the area were tough, but nothing I couldn't handle. I was starting to run low on energy, however, so I thought to myself: "Just go to the next floor and then teleport back to the entrance, same procedure as always." That was the plan, anyway.

I ran into yet another group of enemies, and was close to defeating them all. But, as I saw how little health he had left, I neglected healing myself to try to finish him off quickly. Big mistake. One more hit would have killed him, and my attack... missed. I could only look on in despair as he wiped me out with a powerful spell, and I recalled the last time I had saved. "No." I said. "I am not playing this game again for a few days."

But somehow, I know I probably will. Because no matter how cruel it may get, no matter how far back I get pushed, I always grit my teeth and plod on. No matter how much I rage against the game, I always seem to come back to it before long. I guess that's a sign that the game is really good.

Well, we'll see how it goes. Until next time, have a good day!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

LD Journal - Sunny Flight

Hi everyone!
This morning, I had an idea for the blog. From now on, I think I'll write about any lucid dream I have here. Think of it as the very best from my dream journal. (Or at least, the most lucid stuff.)
I suppose I should warn you that these are my dreams, so there may be times when viewer discretion is advised. If my dreams are too naughty, I think I'll tone them down a little for the blog. I wouldn't want to offend anyone.
So, without further ado, the LD I had this night!

I am walking through a sunny field with white stone walls. Somehow, I know this is the physical manifestation of an unknown woman's blog, and I look around to see what she's got. I pass between two halves of a pink house, an art project that was seemingly scrapped before it was finished. I see another house-shaped piece of art, and as I look closer, I find something written on one of the walls. (Regrettably, I can't remember what it said.)

It is quite a big structure, and as I walk around it to find more text that may explain it a little better, I realise that it would be much faster to fly around it instead of walking. So I begin to hover above the ground. By now, I am aware that it is all a dream, and with a triumphant feeling in my chest, I start inspecting the piece of art more closely. I still, can't find any text, though, and I soon think that it would be a lot more fun to just fly around in the sky than to look at modern art.

And away I go! I soar through the sky like Superman, arms stretched out in front of me to aid in steering. Rolling and looping for a while, I then decide to go higher. I burst through the clouds and hover in place. I look down and decide to dive straight down and freeze time just before I hit the ground. (Because honestly, who wouldn't want to do that?) I steer downwards, and start freefalling towards the ground. Still wanting to make it spectacular, I do a few somersaults on the way down. I'm falling faster and faster, apparently my imagination has got gravity down pat, and am soon about to strike the ground.

"Freeze!" I shout, bracing for epic. But all I manage to do is slow my descent, and I hit the ground rolling. I tumble a few feet, feeling the cold ground underneath me, and the scent of freshly cut grass in the air. It has gone dark.

When I open my eyes, I am in my bedroom. Excited that I had a lucid dream, I reach for my journal and try to turn on the bedside lamp. But it won't turn on. Annoyed, I open the blinds to let in some sunlight, and start to write.

And then I really wake up. Well, darn. A perfectly good false awakening, and I didn't even notice. Oh well...

Going to sleep the night before, I had done a relaxing exercise, from my feet up to my head gradually tensing and relaxing my muscles. Then I repeated to myself that I was going to dream. It took a little while for me to fall asleep, and the actual LD came around 4 am, judging by the time when I woke up. I have a few vague recollections of dreams before that, but nothing that stood out apart from the lucid one. After that, I tried to WILD to have another LD, but I did not succeed. Maybe WILD just isn't for me, after all.

Well, that was my dream last night. Until next time, everyone! Sweet Dreams!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Down the Rabbit Hole

Yesterday, after a long break, (We're talking about 4 months here) I decided to start playing some Minecraft again. For those of you who do not know about Minecraft, imagine a huge world made out of Lego with zombies in it and you have a fairly accurate picture.

So, I started out in a snowy field. Naturally, I went and gathered some wood and crafted all the necessary starter items, and then I started mining...
I carved out a nice underground hall for myself, complete with a cosy pool of lava in the middle, and crafted a bed to sleep in. Then I went deeper...
And deeper...

I tunnelled down and down, discovering large caves and tunnels along the way, and found nearly ridiculous amounts of coal and iron. Just when I thought I had hit a dead end, I stumbled across a new path, leading into a new cave. Of course, I ran into a fair share of monsters down there. One particularly nasty encounter with a Creeper, everyone's favourite exploding phallus monster, left me in a bad state, and I had to return up to heal.

During this gaming session, I marvelled over just how compelling Minecraft is, in spite of being so simplistic. Or rather, it may be because it is so simplistic. With no clear goal given, it is up to you to find a goal to work towards. (Personally, I am going to make a huge underground palace and then possibly build some sort of mansion above ground that connects to it.) But I still think it's quite awesome how the world is completely randomly generated, and still offers such intriguing and exciting cave systems to explore. Truly masterful!

Well, I'm going to return to Minecraft for now, hoping that I won't run into any more Creepers. Have a good day!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - Born to be WILD

Hi everyone! Sleep well? It's time for some more lucid dreaming info!

Last time, I talked about the MILD technique to have LD's. Today, I'm going to tell you about another technique, which is very well suited to fast sleepers.

Wake Induced Lucid Dream
The main idea of the WILD technique is to go from a waking state straight into a lucid dream. In order to do this, you need to be very relaxed. Take a few minutes to just relax your entire body and mind. Breathe, and feel your body parts gradually become heavier, as you sink into a state of relaxation. When you are fully relaxed both in body and mind, the WILD can begin. To go straight into a dream, you will want to keep your conscious mind awake while your body drifts asleep.

Sound difficult? Well, to be honest, I haven't succeeded with this technique yet. But, I am certain that if you try, you can do it. In order to keep your mind awake, you have to keep a straight line of thinking going as you fall asleep. Of course, if you concentrate too hard you might not be able to sleep at all. And if you let your mind wander too much, you might fall asleep normally and not be lucid. This is the reason why this technique tends to work best for people who fall asleep quickly after going to bed. They simply don't have much time for their thoughts to wander.

Anyway, let me explain more concretely how to do this. After relaxing, keep thinking about something. Many experienced Lucid Dreamers recommend that you imagine yourself walking down a long flight of stairs, counting with each step, something like "1, I am dreaming... 2, I am dreaming..." slowly and deliberately. After a while you should start feeling sleep paralysis set in. This is a state your body goes into every night, to prevent you from acting out your dreams and hurt yourself. It might feel scary not to be able to move your body, but just remember that no matter what happens, you are safe in your bed, and nothing dangerous is going to happen. Shortly, you will start to experience hypnagogic imagery. You might see random patterns and colours, and eventually objects or people. You may also hear sounds. Do not be alarmed, you are still safe and secure in your bed. These images and sounds are signs that you are close to entering a dream. Think of this imagery as a sort of dream embryo. Soon enough, the dreamscape should take form before you, and you will be able to enter the dream, aware that you are dreaming, lucid.

As I said, I have not personally had any success with this technique, partially because I take a long time to fall asleep, but also because this technique is very hard to pull off going to sleep at night. It is best to try WILD after waking up in the middle of the night or early morning. It is usually easier for most people to go back to sleep at that time. (Even for me!) Some people also recommend WILD for naps during the day, something I have tried once, and felt like I got close.

So, to sum it up:
1: Relax your body and mind.
2: Keep your mind slightly busy by counting or doing simple math.
3: Enter sleep paralysis and the hypnagogic state.
4: See the dreamscape take form.
5: Enter the dream fully aware.
6: Have a lucid dream.

Well, that is the WILD technique explained simply. I hope you will have success with this technique, as it can be very effective for those who become skilled. Think about it, you can basically have lucid dreams at will! Pretty neat, eh?

Until next time, sweet dreams!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - A Mild Dream

Hi everyone! It's time for some more info on lucid dreaming.

Today I'm going to start explaining some techniques you can use to attain lucidity. There are a few different ones, and some may work better for you than others, so try them out and see which one you prefer. Now, let's get started!

Mnemonic Induced Lucid Dream (MILD)
The MILD can be a very effective technique for almost anyone if used right. When going to sleep at night, start by relaxing your body and mind. Then, tell yourself that you will wake up from a dream and recall it when you awaken. Keep telling yourself that until you fall asleep. When waking up, try to recall as much as you can of the dream you just had. (And of course, Reality Check)
Now, you are going to go back to sleep, and this time, concentrate on your intent to be aware that you are dreaming. Repeat to yourself something like: "I am dreaming. I am aware that I am dreaming." Repeat this, and visualise becoming aware in the dream you just had, until you fall asleep. You can also visualise what you are going to do once you have become lucid. If you can keep this visualisation and intent on becoming aware in your mind as you fall asleep, there is a great chance that you will become lucid in your next dream.

The most important part about this is the intent. You have to believe in what you say to yourself in order for it to be effective. When you do, you will enhance your chances of becoming lucid drastically.

So, in short:
1. Be intent on recalling your dream.
2. Have a dream.
3. Wake up and recall your dream
4. Be intent on being aware that you are dreaming.
5. Have a lucid dream.

The reason that this works best after waking up from a dream, is due to the timing of the REM cycles. Since they get longer and longer towards the end of the sleep, doing this technique near the end is much more effective, since you will more likely enter a REM cycle immediately after falling asleep.

However, this is just one technique you can use. There are many others, so stay tuned for the next post in this topic! Until then, sweet dreams!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

That one game

I play quite a lot of video games in my spare time. I enjoy a variety of different genres, but my favourite games tend to be Japanese RPG's or 3rd Person action games. Now, there are a lot of games that I think are really good games and fantastic works of art, but there is one game in particular that I will always hold in higher regard than others...

Final Fantasy IX. The game that changed the way I saw gaming, and made it into my hobby. Like most major influences that tend to leave a strong impression, this game made such an impression on me at a fairly young age. More precisely, at my 12th birthday. The only JRPG I had played before that had been Pokémon Red, so the concepts and mechanics were quite new to me. But, I instantly embraced it, and I was completely enchanted by the pure feeling of magic that the game seemed to radiate from the very first moment.

Now, of course nostalgia plays a big part in this, and I believe the game would not have had such a strong impact on me had I first played it yesterday. But, this is the way things turned out, and I am glad they did. What better way to introduce an aspiring gamer to the deeper ends of the medium than this? A delightfully beautiful and thoughtful adventure through a world where everything has its own, special sense of mystery.
It sure made me eager to play more of the Final Fantasy series, and from there, expand my views to a plethora of other series and one-hit-wonders of different genres.

Since then, I have played many fantastic games, some of which I will probably dedicate a few posts in this blog to, but deep down, Final Fantasy IX somehow shines brighter than them all. Like a guiding light, reminding me of where it all began, leading me back, to the place I will return to someday...


So, what bout you guys? Is there a certain game that means something special to you? Or perhaps a certain film? A song? A book? Anything in the world, no matter how small or mundane it might seem, can be more meaningful than one could ever imagine.

Until next time, have a good day!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - Check out my Reality!

Hi everyone! Time for another LD post!

Last time, I went over the importance of recalling dreams and keeping a journal. This time, I will cover the subject of Reality Checks (RC for short), and how they can help you become lucid. An RC is a simple action, made with the intention of determining if the situation you are in is real, or a dream.

The idea of an RC is to test if you are awake or dreaming. Therefore, the action should be something that can be easily predicted in real life. For example, in real life it is impossible to breathe through your nose if you pinch it shut. In a dream however, you can pinch your nose shut and still breathe normally. Simply put, if you can breathe through your nose while pinching it, you must be dreaming. This is the basic mechanic of all RC's.

There are lots of different Reality Checks to choose from. Just find a few that work for you. A few examples include: Poking your finger through your hand (Can feel really weird, but it works well), counting the number of fingers (In a dream you may have more or less fingers than usual), checking signs or clocks twice (Text and numbers are often hard to discern in a dream, and may appear scrambled or look different the second time you look), sticking your hand through solid objects, like mirrors, walls and so forth.

When starting out, pick a few RC's that seem simple enough, (I personally like the nose-pincher and the palm-poker) and do them regularly during the day, especially if you should get the feeling that you might be in a dream. It is good to have more than one RC to rely on, just to further strengthen your awareness when you are dreaming. Each time you do an RC, be aware of your surroundings and ask yourself if you are dreaming. Then use the RC to confirm if you are dreaming or not. Do this often during your waking time, and your behaviour will start to carry over into your dreams, increasing the chances of becoming lucid. It is also recommended to do an RC before going to sleep, and right after you wake up. This is to cement the awareness of the RC into your subconscious before sleeping, and to confirm that you are really awake, and not just having a false awakening.

So, in short, use Reality Checks regularly during the day. Really question whether or not you are dreaming. Do them before sleeping and after waking up. Do this, and your chances of becoming lucid will improve dramatically.

That's all for now. Until next time, sweet dreams!

Monday, June 6, 2011

More Nostalgia!


Well, today the Summer School Program at Gifu University in Japan begins. Exactly one year ago, I was there to participate. Hard to believe it's already been a year since then. To all my junior students who are there right now, I wish a happy and fun summer. (And that they don't die of heatstroke or get bitten by venomous centipedes, of course*)

So, eight weeks in Japan. Can't say I'm not a little jealous, but what the hell. I've had my turn, and it was awesome. Besides, starting this September, I'm going there for a whole year. Now that is going to be grand. Until then, I can rest easy knowing that I get to spend the summer in a temperature slightly less murderous than the average temperature in Gifu this time of year. No oppressive humidity either.

That's enough strolling down memory lane for today, anyway. Stay tuned for more lucid dreaming info tomorrow!


*Yes, they do have venomous centipedes. One of my class mates got bitten last year, and had to go to the hospital. She was okay, though. Don't worry.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Lucid Dreaming - The Basics

Right, I woke up this morning (or should I say noon) and had no idea what to write today. But, lo and behold, in my comments section I saw a request by zach.kirsteins, who wanted to know more about some LD techniques.
So, let's start from the basics.

There are quite a few different techniques you can use to become lucid. Some might be better suited for people who fall asleep faster, while some are best used in combination for a good result. The first thing you should do before trying to become lucid, however, is to improve your dream recall, that is to say, you need to be able to remember your dreams when you wake up. What's the point in having an incredible dream if you can't even remember it, right?

In order to improve recall, start writing a dream journal, basically a diary where you record your dreams. Get yourself a notebook and a pen and you're all set. Or, if you prefer it, get a tape recorder, or use your cell phone to record your dreams orally. Whichever works best for you. I find it most convenient to write my dreams down, so I always keep my notebook and pen right next to me in bed. That way, I can write down my dreams as soon as I wake up.

It is important that you write down your dreams fast. After waking up, your memory might be a bit fuzzy and hard to focus, but don't panic. Just lie still and let the memory of the dream come to you. When you have a piece of memory clear in your mind, grab your pen and start writing! As you write, you might even remember more details of the dream, so just keep going. Make it as detailed as possible, this will help you later on. If you don't have much time in the morning, due to school or work or some such, you can write down short notes instead. Then, when you have more time, you can use the notes as a base for a full entry.

As you keep recording your dreams like this, your dream recall will surely improve. By recalling your dreams regularly, you signal to your subconscious that dreams are important, and it will become even easier to recall. Should you not be able to remember anything, don't be disappointed. Write anything down, any specific feeling you had when you woke up, a certain thought that you might have had, anything is fine. It is probably connected to your dream in some way.

Once you are able to remember at least one dream each night, you are definitely ready to move on to the next step towards lucidity. More on that next time. Until then, sweet dreams!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Just a quick one

So today I don't have a lot of time to write here, since I'm going to a LAN at a friend's house. I'll just give a quick retelling of my dream this morning, because it was the first lucid one I've had in a while. Here goes:

I am on my way to a school, riding a bike. When I get there I feel a strange sensation, and wonder if I'm dreaming. I run into a strange woman who starts telling me a story about a miracle that happened long ago. (I can't really remember the details of the story now.) As I listen, I realise that she is stuck inside a sink. I approach the sink and start trying to open it. It is clogged with old leftovers, soggy with water, so I start scraping them out. There's a lot of rice and lettuce. It feels kinda gross, so I think to myself: "Why not just think it away?" I close my eyes and visualise the leftovers disappearing. When I open my eyes again, the leftovers are gone, and I can open the plug in the sink. I open it, and see the woman's face. She is actually my girlfriend. She thanks me for getting her out of there, and as a reward, starts telling the story from the beginning. Right then, my alarm goes off and I wake up.

Well, as lucid dreams go, it wasn't all that spectacular, but it still felt nice to be lucid again.

Have a good day, everyone!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Flying over the ocean - In a dream

Here is a Lucid Dream taken from my Dream Journal, first really awesome one I had.

April 21 2011
I am at a museum for musical instruments with a friend. He is looking for a specific type of electric organ, and is dead sure that he can find one here. We walk through the museum, pass by countless of guitars, violins and assorted bagpipes, and as we turn a corner into a narrow corridor, we see an electric organ just standing there. My friend says it resembles the type he is looking for, but it's not quite right. So then I say to him: "Then why not just make it into the right type?" He holds out his hand towards the organ, and starts altering its shape slightly. I help him out, making sculpting motions in the air, watching the organ's shape shift little by little.

By now, I am aware that I am dreaming, and am enjoying it. My friend asks me what I'm going to do now, to which I reply: "Whatever I want!" and decide to do a Reality Check in order to make doubly sure that it is indeed a dream. I pinch my nose shut and attempt to breathe, and it works.(And let me tell you, it's a weird feeling, breathing with your nose shut.) Confident after my successful confirmation, I go back through the museum, through a door and end up at home. My mother is there, and I tell her I'm going to go flying. I open the window and perch myself on the sill. It's only the second floor, so it doesn't look all that high, but I steel feel a hint of vertigo. I hesitate, and my mother notices this. "It's okay" she says. "You don't have to do it if you're scared."

Slightly annoyed with those words, I decide to do it just to show her I can. I climb up on the sill and fall out the window. I fall and hit the ground feet first. It doesn't hurt at all, and encouraged by this I take a deep breath and leap as high as I can. I shoot off into the sky, above the clouds. I descend a little, balancing my speed and altitude. I hover for a while, looking around. I am above a bay with crystal clear water, and a port in the distance. I descend a bit more and fly fast over the water surface. It is an incredible rush. Suddenly I sink too far and end up in the water. I have a false awakening, I sit up in my bed and start writing about the dream, and then I wake up for real, feeling like I can take on the world.

This was the most vivid LD I have had this far, and it really left me with a good feeling. I'm hoping for lots more!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

My dream last night

Good morning, everyone! (It's always morning somewhere, right?)
Last night I had a strange dream, and I thought I'd share it, through an excerpt from my Dream Journal:

I am in a gym, which looks kind of like the gym at my elementary school. A bunch of my old class mates are there, playing around with the equipment. They have made a makeshift zip-line and ask me to join in. I refuse, thinking that they are going to get busted soon, and I sure as hell am not going to be with them.

Suddenly, a girl I haven't met in real life, but for some reason was familiar to me in the dream, walks in and approaches me. She looks sad, and tells me she is going to leave the country the next day. I hug her, she looks like she is about to cry and I want to comfort her. She whispers that she has a gift for me, that she will give to me at the time of farewell. I kiss her on the cheek and tell her I am looking forward to it.

Then, I have a good old False Awakening: I am in the kitchen of my mother's old apartment, and I quickly grab my Dream Journal and start writing about the aforementioned dream. I am interrupted, however, by my mother, who yells at me for not having started preparing dinner. I put the journal down and start cutting tomatoes. Mother walks up to me and yells at me some more for being slow. I get mad and start cutting faster. When the tomato is cut up, I take a knife and start cutting it, too. The handle of the knife is hollow, and stuffed with tomato. (Here, I really should have realised I was dreaming, but I didn't, unfortunately)
Mother complains that we can't eat that because it's made of metal, but if I scrape the tomato out of the handle we can have it for dinner. I tell her that I was just about to do that. I grumble and want to tell her to go to hell, but I don't say it.

Then, I woke up. For real this time. I wrote the dream down and got up, had breakfast, and now I'm writing this. So that's my day so far. I hope you all have a good one!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Frustration = Fun?

"Screw this, I'm never playing this stupid game again!" *Shuts off PS2 and punches a wall*

I hate to admit it, but that is pretty much how I sounded a few times yesterday while allegedly engaging in "recreational activity", that is to say, "losing so hard at a video game that I could no longer take it and had to quit to preserve my sanity." If you know the feeling, you understand. If you don't know the feeling, good for you, try to keep it that way for now.

So, frustration and video games. Two concepts that for some reason seem to go hand in hand in a lot of cases. In my case, I was playing Kingdom Hearts 2 and losing to the same boss over and over again. Finally, I snapped and stopped playing, but not before raging violently against the game, cussing, yelling and generally behaving in a way I am certainly not proud of. And for what? It's all just a game, nothing but flashing lights on a TV screen, with absolutely no connection to the real world whatsoever. So why not just ignore it? I've asked myself that question many times, and I always arrive at the same answer:

Because I like it.

Now that sounds like a paradox if I ever heard one. I get frustrated, angry and disappointed, but deep down I like it!? Sounds crazy, doesn't it? How can I like being that frustrated and annoyed at something that doesn't even mean anything to my life in the long run?

I think the first question that should be considered isn't how I can enjoy something that makes so frustrated and upset, but rather why I become frustrated in the first place. While a game shouldn't really make that much of a difference, the fact that I get so worked up about means that it actually means a lot to me. I like playing video games to relax and have fun, but also to test my skills, set records, win against impossible odds. And when that doesn't work, I get frustrated and upset, because I can't achieve the goals I set up for myself in order to "have fun". Now that sounds even more like a paradox. Who needs to achieve something to have fun? Well, me, for a start.

Ultimately, I believe it all comes down to choice. I choose to expose myself to this frustration because I know that if I somehow succeed, and actually "win", that alone will make it all worth it. Someone else might have a different idea of what you need to do to "have fun" and not get as frustrated with their choice of entertainment. But me, I guess I need a few hurdles and hoops to jump through (Or a brick wall to bash my head against) to feel like the "fun" is worth it.

So the next time anyone hears me screaming at the top of my voice for Donald Duck to go kill himself, don't be alarmed. I'm just having fun, that's all.